I am trying. I really am. Even while we were out of town I did not go crazy! Yes, I ate crap but I did not go as insane on it as I would have before all of this. I am now heavier than when I started this fiasco.
My fault, it is. I get that. It's just that I am so pissed off at myself for it. Then, that spirals into being upset about it; which turns into a depression about the entire way I look; which makes me cry as I type this; which really sucks because I am at work; which makes me type run-on sentences and all of this makes me feel like not caring. Then I look in the mirror and think, "Damn girl, look at you. You can't give up or you will just end up looking WORSE than you do now. Get your act together and get back on". So, I do and the entire cycle starts over again. It always has ended the same though... right back here.
In 10 minutes I will get out of my seat and go for a short walk in the brisk weather. That might cool me off a bit.
The holidays are coming. That is rediculous. What am I going to do? I have NO WILLPOWER. That is my entire issue with all of this (besides whatever it was that caused me to get like this to begin with). How does one learn willpower being amongst all of the fabulous food this world offers? I have to eat like everyone else. So, how do I make it so that I can enjoy it like other people do but still be happy with myself?
Yesterday I ate 1781 calories and did no walking. It was SO super crazy at work and I neglected myself in that. I will not do that today.
Off I go into the chilly Dallas air with the highest hopes that I will get out of this funk and will myself some willpower :O)
Thank you for reading this boys. It is appreciated and I do honestly think it helps knowing people care enough to read my lame writings.