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Monday, November 22, 2010

A Follow Up

So I've fallen off the wagon and I'm finding it really hard to get back on. But let's back up a bit and say why this weekend was such a fail, smoking and eating -wise.

For starters, this Saturday was the Stubbs family Thanksgiving. We decided to do it early so that we wouldn't have to share time with anyone. We had a great time, too. The cousins stayed here until after 10, playing Phase 10, talking, drinking... A good time was had by all. Our friend Stephen was invited also (pretty much a member of the family as well), and I knew this was going to present a problem. Not because of anything about Stephen, but because he's a smoker. I've found that if I'm not around smokers, it doesn't usually cross my mind to want a cigarette. But, he's a smoker and I found out that a cousin is still a smoker also. So I bummed from them all day and night. (It was nice, too, but I didn't like the way I felt the next day.) I figured that I was hosting family (I think we had 16 adults and 5 kids of varying ages), it was a little stressful, so I was okay. I know, it's just an excuse, but there you go. On top of that, it was Thanksgiving, so we had all the traditional Turkey Day foods and deserts. I ate too much. Not a shocker, right?

The next morning, I was heading down south to go see a friend of mine who is in town. I was going to stop by my aunt and uncle's house on the way down to return some stuff that was left behind, and I figured I'd buy a pack of smokes and give them to my cousin, to replace everything I smoked the day before (hey, cigarettes are expensive!). Then I found out that my grandfather had died that morning (my grandmother and he had been living with my parents; we knew that he was going to die soon, because he was old and sick. It was still a shock, though). I had a pack of cigarettes, I figured hey, I deserve one. One turned two, turned into three, etc. So fail.

But, I'm still eating. We have the leftover pies and bread pudding (yum yum!) in my house and it all just tastes so good! I don't want to throw it out because Patrick likes it too and he can still eat it. Plus, that's just a waste of money. I apparently have no self control.

I hate this. It seems like everyone around me is losing weight (yay Lisa!) but I'm still stuffing my face. I'm finding it hard to be positive at the moment. I'm kind of depressed about it, which makes this blog not so much fun to read.

All I can say though, in the words of the immortal Scarlett O'Hara: "Tomorrow is another day". I'll just have to start again tomorrow. I have done well with the not-smoking thing, the past two days notwithstanding. If I just pull myself up out of the dumps, things will be better.

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